I’m not gonna lie to you – this whole “Tendinitis Telethon” thing has me feeling kind of like a cross between Jerry Lewis and Carol Burnett. Not only are we raising awareness of the debilitating blogger affliction, “Tennis Elbow”, we are also getting to meet some damn entertaining guests!!
Tonight’s guest poster is a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. Actually, she’s a little bit Virginia Girl and a little bit Sock Monkey. Jacqueline Wilson, author of the multi-faceted “WritRams” blog, is also a published author in real life. I’m truly excited to have her here tonight at Real Life with Kids and I wish we could do some sort of skit together where I get to wear a wig and baggy hose and she gets to be snarky. But, since that isn’t an option what with my current arm issue, we’re getting the next best thing – a post about poop and pee. :)
We’ve had a lot of potty talk around our house lately. And when I say potty talk, I don’t mean potty mouth. I mean the actual act of using the potty. You see, I have a 2 ½ year old who is interested, uninterested, not really interested, maybe interested in using the potty. And that’s just in one day.
Imagine my sadness when I ran across this previous post about how my daughter was showing great interest in potty training. It was dated October 23, 2009.
That’s a year ago. We’re talking almost 365 days ago, people.
It explains a lot about my exhaustion in the last year.
The weird thing is that my daughter pees on the potty on occasion, but shows no interest in pooping on the potty. AT ALL.
Peeing, or “tinkling” as we call it in my house, is now something used as a bargaining chip—by her—generally right at bedtime when we’ve exhausted other options like drinks of water and 3,765 calls back into the room to do hugs and kisses.
So, I’ve been doing a lot of tricks to try and get E interested in the potty again. Things that four years ago BE (Before Ella) you never would’ve convinced me I would do. You know things like
- Stickers
- Potty videos with her favorite characters
- Role playing with favorite toys
- Big girl undies
- Books
- Songs and dances (We have a killer booty shake potty dance. I can’t imagine how this alone has not led to complete and total control over every bodily function issue she will have, like, EVER.)
- Voyeurism (You know, me watching her, her watching me…in a totally innocent this is how you pee way. Is this post becoming creepy?)
- Shackles
- Sending her to grandma’s until she’s 16
Clearly, I’m out of ideas. So I’m to the point of reasoning with a two year old (which always works really well).
Me: I really want you to start going to the potty again. You know, peeing AND pooping in the potty.
E: No. No thank you.
Me: No, really. Poop and pee go in the potty.
E: (serious) No, mommy. Tinkle goes in the potty. Poop goes on my bottom.
Well, there you have it. How silly of me to think this was something a sticker and a booty shake dance would cure.
Jacqueline Wilson is a published academic author and freelance writer. She writes about parenting, life, marriage and minutiae regularly on her Writer Ramblings website at writrams.com. The next step in her potty training plan is to let her daughter realize that dating at 16 in a diaper isn’t cool.
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This post is hilarious! At first I was thinking, where is this going!!
But you had me at the Wedding Crasher quote… and from there it was just funnier and funnier.
Can we PLEASE get a vlog of that botty shake potty dance?
This was just perfect. I do hope you make progress soon. Dating at 16 in diapers? So not cool. The mother who lets that happen? Will be judged, no exceptions!
Maryline recently posted..Two Rules to Blog Better
Maryline,
You are not the first to request a vlog of that booty shake potty dance. I’m considering it. I’ll keep you posted…
Jackie (WritRams) recently posted..‘This Is It’ creates eco-friendly inspirational notebooks perfect for on-the-go women
Have you considered *leaving* the poop in the bottom till she realises how incredibly uncomfortable it is?
I speak from no experience – my boy is 11 months and squarely into diapers.
But what do you know, it *might* just work!
Ofthesea recently posted..Reason 85 – I don’t take proper care of my son’s penis
Ofthesea–I HAVE thought of that. You know what she does now? She takes her diaper or pullup off and leaves it (and the poop) while she runs around naked.
However, I’m up for more suggestions. Got any?!?
Jackie (WritRams) recently posted..‘This Is It’ creates eco-friendly inspirational notebooks perfect for on-the-go women
Unless, of course, she dates my son- who also believes poop goes on his bottom, no matter how many stickers I wave in front of him.
Jenni Chiu recently posted..State of uncomfortable kindness
SOLD JENNI! Is 2 years too early for an arranged marriage?!?
Jackie (WritRams) recently posted..‘This Is It’ creates eco-friendly inspirational notebooks perfect for on-the-go women
Well, Carol – uh, I mean Jackie,
My only little girl, Itchy, who is now only 1 inch shorter than me, could not STAND anything next to her bootocks. Even her little girlie parts didn’t like wet.
This is hilarious. Especially from the outside looking in.
Soooo – every time she wet or pooped her pants she let us know. Loudly. She was actually potty trained at 23 months. This was through no superhuman efforts on my part – but her thorough dislike of stuff in her diaper.
Her brothers were a completely different story. At 11 and 7 they have been enjoying dry pants since they were 4 or so…
THanks so much for guesting!
Your variety show partner,
Vickie (a.k.a. Cate)