Lovable Labels Blogher’ 10 Giveaway Contest

This post is an entry to the “Lovable Labels Blogher’ 10 Giveaway Contest” in the category of “Mom Position – Job Description”

It has come to our attention that our current “Mom” is considering looking elsewhere for opportunity and development.  With that in mind, we have put together this job posting in anticipation of a possible vacancy in that position.  Unfortunately we have been unable to pin our “Mom” down on an exact exit date – she seems to waffle on the decision to leave daily and sometimes hourly.

Core Responsibilities:

• Provide food – sometimes from your own body – at regular and irregular intervals throughout any given 24 hour period.
• Provide shelter – sometimes with your own body – at all times.
• Provide clothing – sometimes from your own body but always from your own finances.
• Provide love – this love will take many forms: cuddling, hugging, smooching, razzberries on the belly, discipline, and guidance.
• Laundry – for everyone including the dogs.  Laundry will be done on a semi-regular basis but should always come after all “providing love” responsibilities.
• House-cleaning – coordinating pint sized workers through a myriad of domestic tasks and eventually just doing it yourself anyway.  It is unclear at this time just how often this will need to be done.  We were unable to quantify a specific schedule based on the irregular traffic patterns of children, animals, neighbors’ children, and husbands with muddy shoes.
• Counseling – providing (most times with little or no advanced notification) logical yet soothing responses to the oft times hysterical and illogical situations you are presented with.  These situations will generally occur in public, while you are on the phone, or when you are leaving for work in the morning.  We also noticed a spike in occurrences at bed time.

Qualifications:

• Minimum of 9 months experience in unconditional love is preferred.
• A strong faith in your self is required.  This may waver on occasion but should generally be present.
• Exceptional sense of humor is required.  There will be an assessment involving a knock knock joke, a water balloon, and a call from the principal’s office.
• Ability to model semi appropriate behavior on a regular basis.
• Ability to go long periods of time on very little sleep and no “me time”.
• Proficiency in band-aid application – 75% or more on microscopic injuries – is required.  Character band-aid application experience is optional.
• An understanding of craft based products, i.e. glue, glitter, construction paper, safety scissors, and pipe cleaners is preferred.
• Evening and weekend hours are mandatory and some travel (75- 80%) is involved including trips to exotic locales such as the grocery store, shoe store, school(s), bowling alley, movie theatre, friends’ homes, athletic events, camp, etc.

Motherhood is a quickly growing, fast paced career and openings like this don’t come along every day.  If you feel you are up to the challenge, please submit your resume, cover letter, and a short video of you reading “Good Night, Moon.”  We look forward to hearing from you!

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